If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
