Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
