i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize