How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
