He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
