I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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