Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
