If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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