Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
