he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
