Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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