that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she pinky promised me she was 18
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
