i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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