its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
