If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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