so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
