He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
