i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
