Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize