I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
