dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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