Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
