do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
