I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
