If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize