Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
