But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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