just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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