Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
