saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
