its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
