i don't like sucking hair
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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