guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
