so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
