I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
