Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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