You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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