Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize