does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
