I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
