this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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