I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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