Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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