Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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