Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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