Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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