How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
