Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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