I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
