I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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