I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
