dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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