dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
