I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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