so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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