even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
