I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
