These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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