you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
