I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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