note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
