She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
