Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
