i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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