Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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