Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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