I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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