Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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