Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
