Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
