this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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