I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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