I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
