i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize