would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
