I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
