We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
