Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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