Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
