I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
