she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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