Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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